The Calm Before The Storm

I feel like there is a very good chance that I have written a blog post previously with this exact same title.  I’m too lazy right now to check, but it would not surprise me at all because I do a lot of thinking when I have down time.  I also get preoccupied in thought when I am superduper busy, but I am less likely to blog about it because I am freaking out.  Okay, that’s not entirely true…I am a procrastinator to the core.  And I’m not sure where I was going with this, but I will say that writing about things before they are about to start is a theme of mine.  I always have expectations, and I enjoy documenting them so that I can see how far I’ve come in an experience.  And because it’s cathartic.

I’m gonna diverge from the topic at hand for a moment.  You have no idea how inclined I am to interject lots of curse words in the dialogue I am currently writing.  This is because I was watching JennaMarbles YouTube videos this morning, and she’s got a mouth like a sailor.  I have a strong tendency to mirror or imitate the language patterns, facial expressions, and gestures of those around me.  I think everyone in the world might do this to a certain extent, but I notice it quite strongly in myself.  Right now as I am writing, I am literally hearing JennaMarbles in my head doing the narration.  And I’m censoring her.  I just think it’s funny how much of a chameleon I can be.  Or maybe sponge is a more apt metaphor?  Either way, back to the topic.

I’m kind of freaking out about the next three years, but I’ll start with just this summer.  I will be taking three classes during the 8-week summer session.  One of these classes is Anatomy I, and it is very important that I do well in Anatomy because it will more likely than not be a huge factor determining my entrance into nursing school later this year.  It is also important that I know about human anatomy because I want to be an informed and capable nurse.  But what’s freaking me out more than any specific class is that my life is starting to kick into high gear, and I’m not certain that I will handle it well.  I know I’ll handle it, but will I do it with poise and efficiency, or will I freak out all over the place?

This time last year, when I was still very much in shock over the loss of my mom, my life ran at an extremely slow pace.  There was a lot of confusion and not a lot of structure.  Then at the end of 2011 I started to get my shit together and made the plans that have guided me so far.  But I took the easy road and only signed up for 2 community college classes.  This was probably a mistake, because I now have to do more work to make up for my lazy semester.  For instance, it would be great if I had taken just one more class in the spring, so that I would need to take only 2 classes this summer.  But I didn’t, and so I have to deal with that.  It’s going to be an intense summer, and then I’ll have about a month off before the fall, which will be equally busy.

But that’s not all.  I’m also pursing a part time job as a hospital aid.  I’m doing this because I’ve realized how valuable it will be for me to already have practical experience when I am trying to get my first real nursing position.  And so on top of the full-time school, I’ll be doing part-time work.  I realize that a lot of people do this, and that many people do MORE than this.  My complaint is not that I’m being over-worked relative to the rest of the world; my complaint is with myself for being lazy for the last year and half and getting out of the habit of hard work.  I promise I’m cutting myself some slack because of all that I’ve been through, and I am confident that I will find the strength to do all of this somehow.  It’s just going to be an adjustment, and I sort of wish I were better prepared.

Once I am actually in the nursing program, provided that all goes according to schedule and I start Spring 2013, I am planning to do a dual-enrollment with another college to get my BSN at the same time as this RN/AA local program.  And I’m freaking out about how that will all go with the part-time job and if I will have any sort of a social life and if I will be seriously unhappy because of how busy I am.  I have gotten in the habit of being not busy.  Sometimes, too many events on my social calendar can get me feeling overwhelmed.  How in the heck am I going to do nursing school, an online BSN program, a part-time job, and have a life?  And let’s not forget about my internet addiction, which has grown to alarming proportions in the past year and a half.

I’m beginning to feel like this is going to be AmeriCorps-type busy.  Plus, I am still trying to get in shape, and I worry I won’t have any time to do that.  Plus, how likely am I to have time to date in all this mess?  So let’s fast-forward to May 2015: I’ll be working as an RN and have my BSN, I’ll be freaking exhausted from the past 3 years, and I will still be out-of-shape and boyfriend-less at 27.  That sounds AWESOME.

But I guess it’s more important to me that I have a plan.  And I can’t plan relationships.  I’m just going to have to work on making time for exercise and friends despite my busy schedule.  And I’m going to bank on meeting a superfine doctor-type once I start working as a nurse.  That’s legit, right?

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One response to “The Calm Before The Storm”

  1. ComplexSymmetry says :

    Good luck! My best friend is training to be a nurse at the moment, so I know that it’s tough. I think once you complete the transition into a superior work ethic you’ll be fine. “Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”. It’s achieving the transition that’s hard part. 🙂

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