What If?

What if it never works out, and I end up alone?  I know I’m really too young to be talking like doomsday is right around the corner.  But, the question still hangs there: the elephant in the room.

Would I still feel like I had a full and fulfilling life, or would I die feeling like a failure?

At what point do you stop hoping for the Disney fairy tale and come to terms with the Grimm reality?  Is the very act of stopping to hope what seals your fate?  Or is the deluded hope what makes you feel like a failure in the end?

My only excuse for being awake right now is that I had a GIANT soda at the movie tonight, and I’m still waiting on my phone to back up texts.  Okay, so that’s two excuses, but in reality I’m going to have to sleep before my phone finishes.

Meanwhile, I think I might be suffering from a psychotic break.  I’m not even sure what that is or what it means, so I’m being facetious.  But these past few days are as close to a mental breakdown as I’ve ever had.

Advertisements

One response to “What If?”

  1. Mel says :

    AJ,

    I’m sorry you’re going through so much roughness right now! I can’t even comprehend the magnitude of the “adultness” you’ve been thrust into. But this particular post deals with the “forever alone” question, and I do spend a lot of time pondering that….like way more time than I should.

    I feel like every young person should make peace with the fact that maybe, just maybe, they’ll end up single. It’s like the process of separating from your daemon in the Golden Compass (have you read that?) It sucks SO MUCH, but then you come out the other side with this new ability to be more awesome on your own AND more awesome in a relationship, because you know exactly what you want out of life, and aren’t going to compromise. That kind of maturity & confidence attracts all the right people, as friends or otherwise ; )

    Someone who is a catch (such as yourself!) shouldn’t give up hope entirely. But from what I’ve seen in my life & my friends’ lives so far, the people who go hunting for fairy tales don’t find them. The people who just focus on living their life, not with angst & despair, just peace & curiosity, stumble into the most wonderful romances.

    And no matter when this guy appears in your life, I know that you will be just fine. If you can run 5 miles and graduate W&M Honors, what can’t you do?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: